As far as summers go, this has been a pretty good one so far, though. A blur of classes, working, adventuring, general summertiming. It's so hard to believe that this is sort of my last summer of late adolescence. Okay, so I'm 20 and no longer a teenager...but I still live with my parents, I'm still and undergrad, I still have a buffer between myself and the scary world of adulthood, taxes, and rent. I recently bought my first car, and have been introduced to the world of insurance and various other payments. For the first time my name is on the mailing address of these bills and statements. This realization that I'm a grown up (kinda) hit me while I perused grad programs (my favorite being the MA in Cultural Studies) in late June. It was not the first time I had looked at grad schools, but they had always seemed so far away--like I was researching for a dream vacation that would probably never happen. But it is happening, and I'm shifting into adulthood, and I can't stop time.
I feel excited for all the new things ahead--getting my masters, getting my DSW, entering the work force, being totally independent.
I'm also fucking nervous. This nervousness has sublimated into a need to return to and shift through all my remaining childhood possessions. I don't think it's an unconscious need to relive childhood, or an act of regression (though I wouldn't know, given that it would be unconscious. heh.) but more of a fare-thee-well. The toys, drawings, report cards, photographs and knick knacks remain in their boxes while my collection of grownup mementos continues to grow--textbooks, papers, forms, bills, account statements. If only those envelopes didn't look so serious...maybe if they looked inviting and fun the transition wouldn't be so jarring. My clothing has made a similar transition from band shirts and bright tones to neutrals and plain shirts.
But I'm not an adult yet, and I refuse to ever erase playfulness from my life. So I continue to put off replacing my plastic X-Men wallet even though it's falling apart. I still jump in every puddle, visit playgrounds, spin on office chairs until I can't see straight, and all of my folders feature portraits of small baby animals. Everything may be changing, and I might not be able to freeze time, but I still have a little while until full fledged adulthood, and I might as well make the most of it.
I think the rest of the summer will go swimmingly.
